Season 2 – Ep 5 – Dealing With Conflict, Part II

Conflict sucks, but there are healthy ways out of conflict.  We all have to deal with conflict, but what if we had healthy tools to defuse conflict and reconnect with those around us?  Intrigued, join us to learn more healthy tools to deal with conflict.

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Dealing with Conflict, Part II

- conflict abounds through groups of people
- conflict is not negative or positive, but how you deal with it is, we get to choose
- issue is not whether there is conflict, it is how you deal with it
- conflict left not dealt with is more like apples, than wine – it gets worse with time – conflict not dealt with still brings troubles
- better to establish a means for dealing with conflict before conflict is present, and practice – include keeping short accounts, rhythms for check-ins
- Scriptures and tools for dealing with conflict in loving, Godly ways – Matthew 5, Matthew 18

Recap from Last Week’s Episode

Avoiding conflict
 - Beard’s natural way of being
- Joey doesn’t share food
- Why do we avoid conflict?
- More difficult in a group setting
- The problem is still there even if we don’t deal with it
- Leaving it alone doesn’t help the problem, it actually sours much more
- Problems don’t just go away in groups without addressing them
- Oftentimes searching for a mutual understanding
- Conflict is not negatives, but not dealing with it makes it negative

Why We Avoid Conflict
 - happiest when everyone is happy
- play the role of peacemaker. Want everyone to get along
- when people are in conflict with me I feel horrible – feel bad about hurting others
- try to be conscious and conscientious of others and their feelings

Reading Old Patterns and Habits into New Relationships
 - don’t pour new wine into old wineskins
- want to read and know people well enough to not have to step on their toes and make them frustrated
- important to share what you need and how you feel
- people don’t always see things the same
- give others the benefit of the doubt and ask them what they meant by those things

Establish A Means for Dealing with Conflict
 - put this in place before you are in the middle of conflict
- I will trust you until you prove yourself untrustworthy, then I will never trust you again
- What God models for us and calls us to – I will trust you and I know you wont keep your part and I will forgive you ahead of time
- Are we trying to follow God and His ways or maintain our own safety?
- How many times should I forgive – seventy times seven

We Are Called to Forgive
 - God has forgiven us as a gift
- He invites us to forgive ourselves and others
- Forgiveness as a necessary part of abundant life
- Start with going to God, confessing and receiving His love, grace and forgiveness –1 John – He is faithful and just to forgive

Rhythm for Dealing with Conflict Regularly
 - important to own our part, even if a small part, go and repent for that
- do this on a regular basis to keep relationships healthy, reconciled and connected
- very easy to ask who you have a grudge against – who you need to forgive, and who you may have offended and need to apologize to

How to Bring Up Conflict
 - establish a regular process for feedback
- practice, practice, practice – we talkin about practice

Matthew 18
 - recommended for use with take the plank out of your own eye before you take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye
- this can be used when you have been hurt by the other person. Do it with love and humility and not accusing them
- Matt 18 also applies to our responsibility to restore a brother gently
- Our responsibility to the actions of our brothers and sisters

Healthy to Communicate AHEAD of Time
 - helps so much to set expectations
- let people know ahead of time how you feel and what you need and what you expect
- this will help you to communicate and respond and manage expectations BEFOREHAND
- this helps to understand and meet important needs and wants

 

Recommendations:
Beard – The Odd Couple – new tv show with Matthew Perry (Chandler from Friends)
Matt – Prayers and Scriptures from Holy Week

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